when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
