everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
