hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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