I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
