Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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