i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
