where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
