is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
