I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
