Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
