Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
