i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
