How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
