i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
