Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
love makes seman taste better
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
