Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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