Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
being pregnant is like rehab
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
