she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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