Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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