whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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