420 ftw
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
