Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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