Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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