You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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