someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
the raccoons are back...
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