I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
