I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
What a dumb baby whore.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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