Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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