I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
