I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Shame is for Republicans.
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