Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
