i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
