im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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