i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
