you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
