Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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