dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
