Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
