dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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