This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
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