Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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