I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
