Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
