I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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