All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
