It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
