If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
