Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
