Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
