I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
