I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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