I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
